A friend of mine recently got divorced. Her ex-husband cheated on her, racked up secret gambling debts, and is the kind of man who now sends her constant text messages blaming her for breaking up their marriage and telling her about how ugly she is and how she has to get back together with him as how no one will ever love her again.
When my friend showed me some of the texts at a Green Day concert, I jumped in to tell her how pretty she is.
But instead of discussing her level of prettiness, she said it doesn’t matter. There are lots of ugly people in the world, and they still match up and find love.
And she’s right.
This friend is in her 40s, divorced, has a daughter, and has a psycho of an ex husband constantly sending her messages of hate. That’s a killer cocktail of despair.
And she is rejecting all of it. She’s going to concerts, going on dates, generally being stronger than 95% of the human beings out there, and not making a big deal about it because that’s what normal strong people do (at least in Chicago, I can’t speak to the coasts).
This is called not having a victim mentality. It’s a key step in being happy, as at the end of the day we all have our shit, you should recognize and have empathy for the challenges of others but never let it hold you back from trying to find happiness for yourself.
Men, do you want to be more like her or like her ex-husband?
He, for what it’s worth, isn’t particularly bad looking – he’s cruel and self-pitying, and he’s still alone-in-spirit as he rages into the phone. That’s what makes him unlovable, and why his hate may play well on a podcast it’s the other guys showing up from the same place that have a chance. Maybe they’ll fail. But I think if the all try together, you might be surprised. You might find love even in what feels like a hopeless place.